Nearly a year ago I was able to make myself fall in love with someone who I had ‘that spark’ with, and also fall out of love with them shortly after – in the case of the latter not entirely successfully, as with an earlier love.
Romantic love in my research is factor of these things:
- Obsessive thinking about one’s target, so as to increase dopamine levels
- Anxiety over losing love for that target, or losing them some other way, thus increasing serotonin levels
- When the above two are combined feeling jealous when the target is spending more time with others than you, speaking to others in a flirtatious way, or any other form of jealously.
The differences between the relationships that succeed are how that jealousy is dealt with:
- The successful ones it is overcome, and is an important part of confirming the trust and commitment one’s target
- The unsuccessful ones it ends in betrayal, with a break-up due to a feeling one’s target is being disloyal
The one that happened with me in this was the latter one, and then I cried for days about how I loved that person, but how that love would never be realised. This was similar to what happened with my first love – and Roxette’s ‘It must have been love‘ was a big feature in the ‘recovery’. But in both cases, the feelings I had for them has not died away, and they are both an important part of my memories.
Taking this further – I know a lot of Atheists. Many are so antagonistic to people with faith in paranormal forces like ‘God’, and laugh at those who have faith in something they see as a mind trick.
Well my challenge to these Atheistic bigots, who are in loving relationships, is for them to prove my findings above wrong. How is your love for your partner any less ‘anomalistic psychology‘ than what you say others’ faiths and spirituality are? Are you not as deluded that your partner is the only person in the world for you, than you claim people who say that Jesus Christ is the only way to the truth?
If you truly have a ‘lack of faith‘ in anything supernatural, then you should be treating love as no different a mind-trick as compared to any other form of faith.